Dick Hall of Fame, Entry #2: Brett Favre

8 Nov

Greetings and salutations I am the second voice of reason on this abstract intellectual (loosely speaking) journey to help the world understand why so many people are dicks.  This being my first post, I thought I’d pair this weeks “Dick Hall of Fame” entry with “Dick of the Week” and write about the Keith Olbermann of the National Football League…Brett Favre.  Yes, that boyish flaxen-haired little time suck who actually gets more face time on ESPN when hes NOT playing football.

Now, I’m sure many of you are wondering how Brett Favre can have made this list while spending so many of his years as a the embodiment of “childish love of the game.” He has supported his wife through cancer, fought through personal tragedy and done much to capture our attention with his love of the game.

It's more adorable than weird

"It's really more adorable than weird."

It’s not that, we aren’t bitter or irritated by his career in Green Bay (per say); we focus more on the fact that he has tried to retire and unretire more than the Rolling Stones.  This isn’t a joke or a poorly crafted pun, He literally has tried to retire every year since I graduated high school!  Which, as bad as it is, is only made worse by the fact that they insist on running a montage of his greatest achievements every damn year as though we have forgotten, or are somehow under appreciating the vast list of all of his accomplishments.  Seriously, we have created more tribute videos to that man than Star Wars movies.

And, Ill admit, we gave him a pass here and there.  After the first few times, there was no way he was going to put us through this again, right?  What’s that?  Rumors you say?  No, he did this the last two years, he wouldn’t… Oh god damn it! Wow, we are just doing this little dance every year.  50/50 60/40 70/30, well shit he’s coming back.  I don’t know why these NFL “Insiders” keep asking the man questions.  Clearly, you can’t trust him.  “Oh, I stood outside his house in Mississippi and he told me he’s done when he mowed his lawn.” Or the phantom text message saying he’s retired.  Trust me, he told me he really really really means it this time and added a smiley emoticon, you can’t fake those.

"It's Just...So...Hard."

I’m honestly not sure what year this is from.  It got so bad that the Packers actually offered him money not to return from retirement.  But that wasn’t enough, he just HAD to play.  So they traded him to the Jets which really just led to a fantastic meltdown, but that didn’t stop fans from buying an exorbitant amount of Jets jerseys.  And just when we thought its was over NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  It’s happening again!  Why do you people keep buying into this?  Realistically, half of my rage should be directed at ESPN for making this sound like a damn shock every time he pulls this little maneuver (Probably because summer baseball is so slow).  ESPN is like the 16-year-old girl who believes that Brett is really not going to the party, and then loses their minds when they realize he changed his mind.

And just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse.  When he had alienated all of the fans in the world with his passive aggressive (or aggressively passive?) indecisive bull shit except for the Packers fans who could still love his glory days…he goes Benedict Arnold (stay tuned for that story) and signs with a division rival.  This is the football equivalent of going Red Sox to the Yankees.  And while he got knocked our of the playoffs that year, there was still speculation about him coming back.  I don’t need to tell you how this one turns out, you already know.  This saga will only end until some defensive lineman rips some appendage off of Brett Favre.

"Exactly why do you still like doing this?"

To sum up our analysis. Brett Favre has done a lot to overcome adversity both on the field and off.  He has compiled many impressive statistics (many because he has played longer than anyone EVER).  But his relentless game of chicken with the media regarding his retirement and health have led us to the simple conclusion that he is one of the biggest dicks out there.  Seriously, how many people do you know that can walk away from a job and know they can walk right back into it?  My guess is the list is pretty short after Bill Gates.

I think it is very impressive that I made this case about Brett Favre being a dick without mentioning that little story about him showing his dic…Oh see there it is.  I guess we are all human.

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One Response to “Dick Hall of Fame, Entry #2: Brett Favre”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Dick of the Week, Pussy Edition: Roger Goodell « Dick of the Week - December 31, 2010

    […] Football League, Mr. Roger Goodell.  Our regular readers will remember that Brett Favre was the second entry into our Dick Hall of Fame. Roger Goodell was, this week, presented with a unique opportunity to […]

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