Everyday Dicks: The Early Shopper

29 Dec

Because it happens to be the holidays, we wanted to keep you up on exactly who we thought were dicks in this world (and nothing brings out the dick in people more than the holidays).  So, being that the major holidays are over, it is time to reflect with friends and kin about people and actions that we all find objectionable.  Some people talk about the bowl games that happened, some people talk about all the food they ate/the weight they need to lose weight, and some people just won’t shut the hell up about the fantastic job they did shopping this holiday season.  I think you see where I am going with this one.  That is your everyday dick.

Holiday shopping is a rough time of the year.   Seemingly decent people will rain blows upon each other to obtain trinkets to appease their friends and family.  Many of us “say” we are going to accomplish all of these tasks at a reasonable hour, but few are able to do so.  There are usually many people on our lists, we all have busy schedules, we are only human.  But some people do have the foresight to plan ahead and get all of their shopping done, and that’s commendable.  But they just can’t keep their mouths shut, can they?

Look! They even existed in the 1920s!

These are the people who always like to rattle off the names and gifts for EVERYONE in their family.  From little Johnny with the skateboard to elderly grandmother who gets the records of the slightly racist swing music she adored SO much.  What makes it worse; you don’t tell us this information on the 20th or the 15th.  No, you’re the prick who tells us the day after Thanksgiving that you had already been shopping FOR A MONTH.  You were so preoccupied with getting gifts that you started before Thanksgiving?  What is wrong with you people?  And this vicious cycle aways leads us to feel guilty and run out on December 23rd to attempt to finish all of our shopping even if we know we are trying to pass off a collander as a cool gift for a 9 year-old (It was supposed to be a helmet, ok?).  What’s worse?  While we are all fighting tooth and nail to get our gifts and get out, these pricks are AT THE STORE.  These people seem to love shopping so much that they want to be there just to get in on all the last minute deals.

We all need to take a minute and ask why?  But there is no answer.  These people seem hell bent on proving their societal worth based solely upon their abilities to provide amazing gifts for everyone around them.  We wouldn’t have a problem with this if they didn’t feel the need to brag about it.  It’s one thing to try to make someone happy.  That’s commendable and deserving of gratification from your peers.  But to use that accomplishment to lord over the people around you because they didn’t put in the 800 hours shopping that you did?  Well that just sounds like a dick.


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