Sepp Blatter: The Gift That Keeps On Giving

7 Jan

When we first started this blog, we naturally expected that there would be a few dicks that would rise to the top.  We figured we would be doing at least a few entries on people like Brett Favre, Jose Mourinho, Charlie Sheen, Mel Gibson, and the like.  And while we certainly knew that Sepp Blatter is a colossal dick, we certainly did not expect that three of our first 30 posts would involve him in some way.  Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Sepp Blatter is at it again, providing us with additional unbelievable quotes and reinforcing the notion that he should never have been put in charge of FIFA or any international governing body (except perhaps France; we would support making him president of France).

In any case,  Sepp Blatter was apparently not satisfied with being made Dick of the Week back in November, nor was he satisfied with his follow up quotes making headlines on our beloved site.  Sepp really is the gift that keeps on giving for us; the man puts his foot in his mouth more than Joe Biden and Rex Ryan combined [editor’s note: in retrospect, “putting your foot in your mouth” takes on a whole new connotation for Rex Ryan these days].  Today, Sepp apparently woke up and said to himself, “I think that I will make some possibly misogynistic remarks, followed by ridiculous criticism of other international bodies, all while denying the pervasive and obvious corruption in my own.”  We’re assuming he then beat his wife, but that’s really just speculation on our part.

Sepp Blatter, attempting to look innocent.

Since FIFA has been plagued for decades by allegations of bribery and corruption (see the Dick of the Week article on FIFA, linked above, for a half dozen prime examples), Sepp had promised to create an anti-corruption commission investigate these claims and restore accountability to the organization.  Today, Sepp backtracked on those plans.  But simply announcing that FIFA was not going to investigate the corruption was not enough for Sepp–that wouldn’t make enough headlines!  He instead chose to announce it while simultaneously attacking the International Olympic Committee (IOC) for being corrupt.  We’d say that’s like the pot calling the kettle black, but it’s really more like Hitler calling Stalin an asshole.  It may be true, but seriously, man.

Oh, and did we mention how he decided to criticize the IOC?  He said that the IOC is “like a housewife” when it comes to money.  Uh…would you care to clarify, Sepp?

“The IOC does it like a housewife. She receives some money and she spends some money.” [source]

Well gee Sepp, when you put it that way.  He also attacked the IOC for essentially being a club for princes and kings, conveniently forgetting that a Jordanian prince was elected to FIFA’s vice-presidency a mere 24 hours ago.  When a reporter pointed this out to him, Sepp responded with, “we can afford one.”  A cavalier and daring defense of hypocrisy, Sepp.  We salute you.

Sepp stated that the anti-corruption procedures that FIFA already has in place “work well,” which no doubt comes as news to, well, anyone and everyone who has followed soccer in the past two dozen years.  We’re not really calling Sepp a liar.  It’s possible that he’s just an idiot.  Whatever the case though, he is clearly a huge, not very self-aware, arrogant, probably corrupt, dick.

World Cup 2022, everybody!


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