Dick of the Week, Feb 7-Feb 13: (Former) Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak

15 Feb

While I feel this weeks winner doesn’t need much explaining, I feel we would be forfeiting our duties if we didn’t talk about this man a LITTLE bit.  While, this may make us all sound like redundant talking heads who missed the boat in trying to comment on this all-encompassing story; I feel like I can give you some reasons that weren’t in the headlines that can further explain why this man is a complete dick.  Now, I may not be stretching the truth to make the claim that a man who has stayed in power for 30 years through numerous failed elections and countless corruption claims.  It is blatantly clear when your country rates a 3.1 on a scale to 10 for trust and transparency in government.  Perhaps claims of voter fraud and tampering are not that far off when you live in a country with that kind of rating.

But the guy finally started to do the right thing by saying that he would no longer stand for election in September which would in effect end his 30 year rule.  Apparently that didn’t sit well with the people of Egypt.  They denounced this as a trick and took to the streets to see that the leader would be ousted immediately.  If you needed further confirmation about how much of a dick this guy was, just look to the fact that people were no longer willing to wait until September to kick this guy out of office.  To give you some context, this would be like having your friend crashing on your couch telling you he’s going to move out at the end of the month, and your first reaction is to carry his free-loading ass out of the apartment.  Clearly there was some pent up emotion.

This clash of supporters and protestors inevitably turned bloody given the passion and change that people wanted to see from their government.  While we as Americans stood in awe of these people’s sacrifice for their government, it is also important note that we don’t have to suffer through the same ruler for 30 years (we just get stuck with representatives that just won’t go away).

He just. Won't. Stop.

So, many watched with anticipation as to what was about to occur.  Would this man decide to relinquish power that he had held for 30 years?  Would he use his military on his own people?  Would he graciously bow out?  No, that would be too easy.  Defiance is a much nicer song to sing.  Listen, we get it.  You’ve been in power for a long time and its not something you want to give up. But seriously, most of your ALLIES were saying that you should step down.  Are you just a stubborn child who won’t accept when your time is up?  Seriously, these people were willing to die to stand in defiance of you, what makes you think this will make things any better for you in the long run?  Oh.  There you go.  Finally, you resign to give your people the opportunity to pursue elections for themselves.  They are moving so quickly that they were clearly starved for this opportunity.   And while I understand that a new government may not be the most friendly toward the USA; if they act like dicks, we will have no problem calling them on it.  But it was more important to get the biggest dick out of the way before passing judgment on dicks to be named later.  Thirty years in power and you got taken down by Mark Zuckerberg. We might want to cool it with these correlations.

Random out of order dick things that confuse me:

(Former) Congressman Christopher Lee (R-NY): Hey we have a theme going!  Well this one is almost too easy and less fun given the fact that this guy was a relatively low level representative.  Was it his insisting that he didn’t have a wife?  Was it that emails of him bragging about his fitness?  How about the fact that this even came out in the first place.  Seriously, this is DC life, they pretty much have things to ENCOURAGE THIS.  How about TigerText that deletes text messages after they are READ.  Listen I don’t condone this or anything but it clearly wasn’t that difficult for this woman to figure this out.  I’m honestly surprised the contact address wasn’t christopher.lee@mail.house.gov.  For every Chris Lee there is an Eliot Spitzer.  To be fair this would have been much less embarrassing in England.

NBA All-Star Uniforms:

Please tell me those things go UNDER the uniforms

Now I realize that All-Star games are hollow exhibition games that fail to draw most fan attention.  Even baseball’s attempt to put home field advantage on the line for the World Series hasn’t been the greatest.  The NHL had marginal success drafting the All-Star teams, and these two leagues do compete for success amongst viewers.  As much as fans will gripe, baseball and football will always be the largest sports and these niche sports will be competing for 3/4 in the rank.  But these uniforms are a poor attempt to spice up a dull exhibition game.  From what I can tell, these uniforms are there to whore out NBA players by replacing the normally baggy uniforms with the exact opposite.  The biggest travesty is that they will discriminate against some of their fans that may not be able to purchase these uniforms.

I'm sorry, we don't have a sausage skin in your size


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