Dick Analysis: Ramón Gerardo Antonio Estévez

1 Mar

Who?  I thought this was Charlie Sheen week.  You shmucks lied to me.

Wait, wait!  Hold on there!  This man is the FATHER of Carlos Irwin Estévez, you know…

This guy?

Actors, apparently, have these stage names to appear more “common”.  Ergo, these individuals changed their names to seem more like “average” Americans.  To avoid ethnic bias in hiring, he chose the first name Martin after a good friend, and Sheen after Bishop Fulton J. Sheen, who had a popular TV show in the 1950s.  See?  He and Charlie both changed their names.  Did you think Emilio Estévez was adopted?  Anyway, we are not here to discuss Americans’ opinions of foreign names or to discuss the cut throat nature of the film industry…we are here to find out where Charlie Sheen came from and why he is this way (Oh, if only it were so simple).  As the father of Charlie, one could reasonably infer that Martin Sheen is an awesome addict who has Adonis DNA or is half tiger (he’s not).

He WAS arrested for crossing a line in protests at a military base as part of over 70 (political) arrests.  As a long time liberal (so the character was not THAT off base), he has been a valuable political figure given the popularity of the show the West Wing. He has gone as far as to endorse political candidates and stump for them (for example, Howard Dean).  Wait a moment, wait a moment…January 2004, what happened during that campaign?  Dean didn’t win the nomination, but I remember some important event happening on that day!  What was it…

Ah yes, that's the one.

Welllll we can’t always get them all right, can we?  Pretending to be a sage political president who is both a savvy public speaker and highly educated doesn’t mean you can pick ’em, does it?  But being a democrat and being arrested for political activism doesn’t put one in the same league as his son or a bad American (Some would say it is MORE American).  He has been considered very religious, why hasn’t that translated to his children (i.e. Charlie)?  Ohhhh, Sheen is a reformed alcohol abuser. The heart attack he endured during the filming of Apocalypse Now in the Philippines led him on a four-year spiritual journey that culminated in his return to Catholicism.  Now, Charlie makes a little more sense considering his father’s, wait, Apocalypse Now?  That move is fucking cool.  But I digress.

Martin clearly has some demons in his past that he overcame by finding God.  Perhaps Charlie can find his way through religion to purge the “cancer” of addiction.  Oh no.  While he respects his father’s beliefs he does not think the jibberish of fools will be allowed inside his brain.  We here at DOTW sincerely wonder what IS allowed to penetrate his brain, but all things considered, “thanks but no thanks” is a lot nicer way to talk to your dad, right?  You won’t say something ba-“Jeez, dad… shut it!”  This would probably explain why Martin is considering having a conservatorship obtain control over how Charlie spends his money…  I’m sure that will create an interesting reaction.  However, Martin Sheen’s overcoming addiction and finding religion could serve as a valuable example to Charlie.  As they shared a similar problem, it is possibly that his son can find the same peace he did.

As we see it there are two ways to look at this relationship, as we see it from the countless interviews.  Charlie sees that his dad really cares and is trying to help him out.  He cares about his dad, hell he got a quote from Apocalypse Now on his chest.  But your dad’s advice probably sounds tired and overdone at the time you are 45.  And when you’re really not willing to accept help from anyone you like to remind your father of certain things…

“When I was 7 years old, I woke up on the school bus behind the last seat. The bus had been driven downtown somewhere I had never seen before parked where they park buses. I was 7 and had to find my way home. That was pretty gnarly. I woke up and went, ‘This ain’t Malibu.”

It’s that low blow that kids get to put on parents when a third-party says, “does your dad do anything funny?”  You can say he cut a tree limb that fell on his neighbor’s car, slipped on the ice, orrrrrr forgot to get you from the bus so you ended up miles away from where you live with no idea how to get back….Funny.

To sum it alllll up on this grand Sheen-tastic week.  Martin Sheen had an interesting past but it’s doubtful that his alcohol abuse or political activism can be seen as the cause of Charlie’s addiction.  Well, Charlie won’t even admit to being addicted so I guess he hasn’t done anything immoral so this post served as a giant waste of time.  That being said, Martin Sheen may have left the country to avoid the constant media barrage that is his son.  So, we expect little else to come from him on this topic.  Clearly he has voiced his opinion and has left it at that.

Hmm, while Charlie’s mother has been relatively active  and in unison with her husband; I wonder what some of his brothers think?  Perhaps, Emilio Estévez?  I could not find anything on Charlie’s brother, so, I was forced to make my opinion based on the beginning of The Mighty Ducks.


"Breathe, Blood or Urine?"

“No thanks, I’m full.”

What a line.

Too bad Charlie Sheen doesn’t have a peewee hockey team filled with endearing, rag-tag misfits like his brother, Gordon Bombay.  I guess we have no choice but to sit back and see what happens next.


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