Dick of the Week, Feb. 28 – March 6: Natalie Williamson

10 Mar

After a week and a half of hardcore Charlie Sheen coverage, it is a little refreshing to be able to take a step back and appreciate some of the simpler things.  I always enjoy writing Dick of the Week articles, even more than I enjoy writing Hall of Fame articles.  While the Hall of Fame articles can usually be longer because of the greater depth of material from which to draw, the Dick of the Week allows us to channel the intense reaction that we have to a given dick’s actions quickly, before that passion has the chance to dissipate.  While Dick Hall of Fame articles are more meticulously crafted, I think Dick of the Week ones are where our creativity is really allowed to shine.

With that said, I would like to introduce your most recent Dick of the Week, Natalie Williamson.  This is a prime example of how this blog can take us in directions that we never planned.  Natalie Williamson’s situation is as follows: she boarded a VirginBlue plane with her husband and 17-month-old son.  Her husband and her son may or may not have been playing a “peek-a-boo” type game.  A flight attendant took it upon himself to join in on the game, and placed the child in one of the overhead compartments.  Natalie, shocked, instructed the flight attendant to remove her son from the compartment and return him to her, which he did.  The incident was reported, the flight attendant was fired, and Natalie was given a number of free flights to make up for the unfortunate incident.

Terrifying!

As I said, sometimes this blog will end up going a completely different direction than we thought it would, and this is one of those times.  When I first read about the incident, I prepared myself to write a Dick of the Week entry on the flight attendant.  I mean, honestly.  He put a kid in an overhead bin.  Whether they were playing peek-a-boo or not, that’s just not the best decision–you don’t manhandle toddlers that don’t belong to you.  The flight attendant is clearly and idiot, and we’ll give him the distinction of calling him a dick, as well.

But when you read more about the incident, it quickly becomes apparent that it is Natalie, the mother, who is the real dick in this situation.  She should, frankly, have taken the free flights, thanked the airline for firing the flight attendant (who deserved to be fired), and been on her merry fucking way.

But no.

Natalie Williamson is a Goddamn martyr, and she wants the rest of you to know it.

Buckle your seatbelts, because you can almost smell the multi-million dollar lawsuit coming around the corner here.  Let’s look at a few of the comments that Natalie made to the Sunday Herald Sun about what happened:

“My husband, Shayne, was standing one metre behind my son, Riley, when the air steward picked him up and placed him in the overhead compartment.  I stood up and there were people laughing and then I said ‘Get my son out of there now.'”

First of all, if your name is Shane and you spell it with a ‘y,’ you are an asshole.  Simple as that.  But that’s not the point.  That account sounds reasonable, right?  A pretty matter-of-fact account of what happened.  I would probably fire the flight attendant based on that description alone.  Has she left it at that, the flight attendant would have been our Dick of the Week.  I’m pretty sure that’s where she should have stopped talking.

“I was devastated. I was absolutely devastated.”

“I was crying. My husband was in shock. For days on end I was crying.”

Really.

REALLY.

Look, the flight attendant fucked up.  There’s no arguing that.  Probably enough to even deserve that firing.  But you may have some issues lady.  You were crying for days because your son was put in an overhead compartment?  I mean Jesus, did we miss something?  Did the flight attendant refuse to remove the kid?  Was he in there for an hour or what?

The baby had been reportedly locked in the compartment for 10 seconds.

Oh.

Judgment Cat thinks you're an idiot.

Let me share something with you.  When I was a little kid, I wanted nothing more than to crawl into tight spaces.  Behind the couch, under the bed, in the back of the closet, in kitchen cabinets, it didn’t matter.  If it was a tight space, I wanted to hang out there.  If I could have been put in an overhead compartment as a little kid, that would have been, quite literally, the best day of my life.  I can’t imagine the kid suffered too much.  But Natalie has other ideas!  Another excerpt:

Ms Williamson said Riley, now 20 months, had seen various specialists since the incident after suffering from anxiety and withdrawal.

“He won’t leave my sight now. He sleeps with me. If I’m not in the same room as him, he will scream and yell ‘Mum, mum, mum’,” she said.

Lady, the kid is just pissed off that you didn’t let him stay up there.  And can we take a moment here to appreciate how breathtakingly stupid it is for her to say the kid has been to “several specialists?” Anxiety and withdrawal?  How the hell would you even know if a 17-month-old was suffering from those things?  If anything, you’ve fucked him up more, because now he thinks something is wrong with him.  Sometimes it’s best to just cut your losses.  Yeah, a shitty thing happened to you, and now it’s time to move on.  Your kid doesn’t sleep through the night?  Welcome to motherhood, bitch.  Don’t blame VirginBlue because you’re a shitty parent.

I strongly urge you to consider these next time.

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